My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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