what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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