We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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