dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
