remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
