Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
