didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
