Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
