omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
