I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
