I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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