oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
