My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
