I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am naked and annoyed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
