There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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