That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
