At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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