Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
