i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
