You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
