(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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