hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
