Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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