Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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