well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
