I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
