you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A bitchslap is in order.
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