420 ftw
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
