if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
