I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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