My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
