Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
