just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
