I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
