I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
