no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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