so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize