i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
