living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm like, not good at living.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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