I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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