i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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