make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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