My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ttyl tear gas
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
