i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
