May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
