Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
