Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
