she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
