Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
