so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
