If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
