Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
