you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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