she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
