apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
