Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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