I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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