he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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