I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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