is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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