Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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