I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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