Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
