I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
