Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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